i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
