Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
