I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
