do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
