There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
