At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize