so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
