I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
