the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
