So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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