that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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