What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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