Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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