I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
