the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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