They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
