two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
