I feel like abortions should bother me more
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
