after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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