Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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