Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
