think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's always time for handjobs
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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