U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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