Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
