my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
