she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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