my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
