I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we're chasing vodka with high fives
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
