i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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