eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
