hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
