"it" just moved
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
