you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
