3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we made out on top of his cat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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