Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
