it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Come on in and take your pants off
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