My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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