And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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