What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
