dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
