I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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