I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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