I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
