It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
