Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
