It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
