I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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