I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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