My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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