Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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