After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
