hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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