Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize