You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
