Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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