Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
