Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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