I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
