I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
