it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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