im six kinds of drunk right now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
