i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
