well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
