I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
