He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
