Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
