Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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