i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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