sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
