Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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