So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
