see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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