I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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