i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
