sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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