Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
