come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
