Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
