she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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