And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
