it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
