Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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