new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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