Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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