$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
