I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
