if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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