Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
