Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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