I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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