she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
