For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
