Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
