i was born a porn star she said
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
