I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
